Chuck has written four books.
I am excited to tell you that a novel I’ve been working on for TWENTY YEARS (seriously) is now out: Sacrificial Lambs. It’s available on Amazon in paperback or Kindle (see links below).
Sacrificial Lambs is a satirical thriller. I poke fun at the media, politics and televangelism in the book, while at the same time tell a story about a young family in mortal danger, fleeing from powerful, dark forces determined to exploit them or even kill them.
See a description of the book below.
I hope you’ll find it both funny and exciting – to be honest, I still laugh when I read it.
How to order:
If you can’t use Kindle and want to read it electronically, let me know and I can get you a pdf.
If you like it, PLEASE tell friends, neighbors, coworkers and cellmates, and consider leaving a review in Amazon. I am very proud of this book, and I am hoping it will be successful. But whether lots of people read it or not, I hope *you* read it and like it.
Thanks for all your support for my writing over the years.
Chuck
Description:
For Tom and Amy Smith, life is good. They have each other, a small home, and a couple of bucks for occasional take-out. Most importantly, they have Billy, their toddler son, who is learning to talk, and says things like “big truck!” and “doggy!” and “I AM THE LORD GOD! I SET IN MOTION THE UNIVERSE FOR YOU!”
It’s that last, unexpected proclamation, caught on video by GNBNC (the Global News Broadcasting Network Co.), that turns the Smiths’ world upside down. The family is soon running for their lives from a competing cast of cutthroat characters who see the boy as a golden opportunity or an existential threat:
The televangelist founder of the Jones International Ministry and the Christ Almighty Family Theme Park
A GNBNC anchor and recovering tabloid reporter
Virginia’s first female governor, an attractive rising political star with serious stability issues, and
A Machiavellian president determined to take out the toddler who could derail his reelection.
In the family's corner are an aging pastor and his enthusiastic but altar-blocked young lieutenant, and America’s most hated billionaire.
Sacrificial Lambs culminates in a chaotic confrontation on world-wide television, featuring political opportunism, media exploitation, a deadly ambush, and a thunderous news flash heard around the world.
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In spite of popular demand, my third book is now out: A Dad’s Work is Never Clear: Tales of Love, Marriage, Parenting and Ice Cream. Lots of Ice Cream.
As you can see, I continue to flout publishing industry conventional wisdom and common sense when it comes to book title length.
Where to get it: You can buy my new collection of humor stories right now – right now – in several places, such as:
My Amazon / Create Space eStore, where I get the highest percentage of royalties.
On KINDLE (hello 2007!)
You also can ask your local book seller to order a copy
Your nearest used book store if I've messed this thing up
You can also find this and my previous two books at my Amazon Author’s Page
What’s in it: The back cover says: “In A Dad’s Work is Never Clear, humorist Chuck Hansen tells tales of the chaos and hilarious, heartfelt moments that make up daily family life.” Such as.......
What it must have been like for Stacy’s genteel Southern family to have to accept a Yankee and his raucous horde as in-laws (and then host a party for their dozens of aunts, uncles and cousins);
What happens when you get a pet fish for your kid (Spoiler alert: the fish dies. CAUSE THAT’S WHAT PET FISH DO.);
A comprehensive collection of what to do and not do for your wife when it comes to Valentine’s Day (Why make your own mistakes? Learn from mine instead! It’s a Master Class!);
How a frustrated dad handles his kid getting his truck stuck in a mud field while trail-busting (it wasn’t my kid, but I was witness to some… familial mud-slinging…);
The hilarity and blessings of a big (huge) family, written for you WASPs who will never know unless you marry into one;
What my mom taught me when the economy collapsed on Sept. 18, 2008 (See? Current events!); and,
The commonalities between 50th birthday parties and wild sex parties. Not really. What, did you think this was Cinemax?
But there are dozens more stories that are guaranteed (loosely speaking) to make you laugh and make me look like an idiot.
Mental Health: As you may know, mental health is an important issue for me, and I discuss it often in my stories and presentations. Ten percent of the profits from A Dad’s Work is Never Clear will go to non-profit organizations that address mental health. For more information or to get help, contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness at www.nami.org. Or, locally, contact your local government Mental Health Support Services Community Services Board.
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Nose-Sucker Thingees
Nose-Sucker Thingees, Weeds Whacking Back & Cats in the Bathtub: Does Life Get Any Better? – A treasure trove of Chuck’s humor essays that provide a funny, refreshing, positive and insightful look at life, and holding onto balance and perspective throughout life’s daily trials.
On engagement parties: “Often this is the first opportunity for the family and friends of the young lady to meet the result of the biggest decision of her life: whom to marry. Now, let’s be honest. You know you. There’s no way they come away thinking she made a good choice."
On visiting the pediatrician’s office: “I refuse the pen at the sign-in pad. Thanks, I brought my own pen, I mumble, careful not to inhale, as I use my elbow to pull the clipboard toward me. Think about it. A hundred sick kids have come through that door ahead of you, and one hundred sick kids’ moms or dads, slick-fingered from the virus-infested nastiness oozing or spurting from their kid’s head, have gripped that ball point pen to sign in. I wouldn’t touch that thing if it were at the end of a remote-control robot arm on the moon and I was sitting at Mission Control.”
Purchase Nose-Sucker Thingees, etc. through Amazon.com, BooksaMillion.com, BN.com and local book stores like Book People in Richmond, Virginia.
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Build Yer Castles in the Air
Build Your Castles in the Air: Thoreau’s Inspiring Advice for Success in Business (and Life) in the 21st Century — More than 150 years after Thoreau penned his masterpiece, Walden is stunningly relevant to modern life, especially business life. In Build Your Castles in the Air, Chuck organizes selected quotes from Walden by spheres of business life. The quotes are complemented by quotes from some of history’s greatest thinkers, as well as thoughtful, often humorous reflections from Chuck’s experiences in politics, business, and a nine-month journey through the Caribbean and across the North Atlantic on a sailboat.
Nigel Morris, co-founder and former COO of Capital One, authors the foreword and says: “Few other writers could have compiled this book. Chuck, like Thoreau, endeavors to live his life fully and on his own terms.”
Jacket quotes from:
Dr. Wayne Dyer: ”I love Thoreau and I especially love this inspirational treatment of his work.”
Susan Molinari – former member of Congress: ”Thoreau’s timeless wisdom and Chuck Hansen’s modern insights offer simple, intelligent solutions to the professional and personal dilemmas we all face, every day. Read this book and bring balance and genuine success — the type that truly matters — into your life.”
Victoria V. Guthrie – senior fellow, Innovative Program Initiatives, Center for Creative Leadership: ”This book embraces the human side of our rapidly and substantially changing world and will be of great benefit to both individuals and organizations.”
Louis Castle - VP, Electronic Arts; former GM and co-founder of Westwood Studios: “Hansen’s book puts a context around a great work and allows the reader to sample and deeply consider the magnificent work of Henry David Thoreau by topic. Hansen’s comments bring focus and relevance to Thoreau’s work.”
Craig Shanklin - Former chief operating officer at Correlogic Systems: “Build Your Castles in the Air is uplifting and offers easy-to-grasp ideas on how to survive and thrive in today’s business world.”
Purchase Build Your Castles in the Air: Thoreau’s Inspiring Advice for Success in Business (and Life) in the 21st Century through Amazon.com, BooksaMillion.com, BN.com, and local book stores like Book People in Richmond, Va.