Columnist Responds to Vicious Attacks from So-Called Friends

You may recall in the last column I talked about training for a big hike in the fall. So far, the training has involved mowing the lawn while wearing a 40-pound backpack and getting lost in moderately sized Pocahontas State Park during a lightning storm. Since then, friends have given me feedback about my training approach, in the same way that West Virginia Mountaineer football fans give feedback to visiting teams, to visiting fans and, win or lose, to their own couches after the game.

I’ve heard from friends, for example: That there is no grass in the Grand Canyon, so the lawn mowing drill is pretty pointless, and stupid-looking to boot; that if I got lost in an 8,100-acre state park, I’ll never make it out of the Grand Canyon alive; that it’s hardly real training if I stop and lay down on our cool sidewalk eight times during a 90-minute mowing.

What do you see in this picture?
What do you see in this picture?

First of all, whydo you think there is no grass in the Grand Canyon anyway? Maybe because all of the hikers are pushing mowers, maybe? Have you never heard of the famous paradoxical blank canvas depicting the cow eating grass?? LOOK IT UP. I’ll wait.

DON'T WAIT: read the rest of my latest column here!