What is the Lunesta Defense?
I know making fun of side effects of drugs is old hat, and I realize they are a necessary evil for the good that this or that medicine can do… But a Lunesta television commercial the other day caught my ear when it said, and I quote:
“Walking, eating, driving, or engaging in other activities while asleep without remembering it the next day have been reported…”
“Ask your doctor if Lunesta is right for you…”
And if your doctor says “yes,” get a new doctor.
Of course, I’m kidding…
But this does open a whole new line of legal arguments…. Call it “The Lunesta Defense” (which, from a root-word standpoint, dovetails nicely with lunacy…):
“Your Honor, I know that the surveillance tapes clearly show me robbing that bank. I also understand that multiple witnesses say I then walked down the street smacking anyone shorter than me on the head. I also am fully cognizant of the fact that I stepped in front of news cameras at the State Capitol and shouted that Dan Snyder is spawn of the Devil and that his ownership of the Washington Redskins is one of the signs of the apocalypse – although, to be fair, you can read that in the Sports section of the paper any day of the week. Finally, I realize that I attempted to give wet willies to every cashier in Food Lion.
“However, in my defense, I am currently taking Lunesta and do not remember doing any of those things. As a matter of fact, I took Lunesta earlier today, and it is very possible I will not remember this very moment here in your court room.
“Which leads me to my next point, which is…”
The accused then takes a long sip of water, executes a perfect spit take that soaks the judge, drops his pants and proceeds to try to play duck-duck-goose with the jury..