Deck the Future: Next Generation of Holiday Decorations
We recently had the opportunity to tour the Skunk Works, or R&D facilities, of the top holiday decoration company in the world, Dec th' Hols Corporation, to see some of the cutting-edge, next-generation holiday decorating products that the MIT graduate-heavy staff is working on. Here, exclusively, is a sneak peak:
- Building on the "Santa is falling off the roof" decorations, the next iteration of this theme will be "Santa was decapitated when his sleigh struck a power line."
- Window candles with a 10-lb base, heavy enough that they are not yanked off the window sill every time you pull on that coiled power cord.
- Nuclear-powered holiday lights: This innovation is expected to make America energy independent for two months of every year. Clean up after bulb breakage may be a regulatory issue, but the decorating industry has employed the same lobbyists used by the manufacturers of those new mercury-laden curly-cue light bulbs, so they are optimistic.
- Building on inflatable decoration craze, Dec th' Hols is developing inflatable Kingdom of God displays, which will include gold-paved roads and Pearly Gates. Key obstacle at this point: figuring out how to ship a product with the dimensions of "∞ x ∞ x ∞". Shipping costs also may be an issue.
- For the municipal government market: Holographic decorations that morph to reflect the faith of the observer. Christians will see a nativity scene and Christmas trees, Jewish visitors will see a Hannukah display and menorahs, Athiests will see a secular display, and politicians will see a money-tree and gift-wrapped junkets. The trick will be developing software that detects what's in the heart of the observer, but Dec th' Hols assures us that they are well along on this as the result of a partnership with the Department of Homeland Security.
- Building on the increasingly popular car reindeer antlers, Dec th' Hols is developing an attachable team of eight tiny reindeer + Rudolph that can be affixed to the front bumper of any car, creating the illusion that the vehicle is being pulled by the reindeer. The team will add 15 feet to the length of any vehicle, but the reindeer will be made of high-tech collapsable plastic, so little damage is expected to vehicles in the case of crashes. However, there may be psychological damage to children who see Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, et.al crushed in accidents. Dec th' Hols assumes no liability for said psycological damage.
- Motion-sensor external lighting, designed for people who live in neighborhoods with covenant restrictions against excessive lighting, or whose neighbors object to 24/7 daylight for 1/6th of the year. The lights on the home will turn on only when a car or person passes in front of the home. Researchers still are solving for the potential power-surge impact for local utilities.
- Conversely, Dec th' Hols researchers are also working on permanent decorative lighting with changeable themes, so that the homeowner never has to take down the decorations. The holiday theme will transition to a New Year's theme for Dec. 31/Jan. 1, a Presidents' Day theme for later in January, Valentine's Day in February, St. Patrick's Day in March, etc. This product will include rotating theme music that can be transmitted to passing cars, buses and aircraft.
- Scratch 'n Sniff nativity animal figures.
So as you can see, the future is bright (literally! ha-ha!) for the holiday decorating industry and decorating enthusiasts.
Are there potentially money-making holiday decorations that you'd like to see Dec th' Hols working on? Let me know in the comments section below! Happy Holidays!