The Ice Cream Monologues
8:30 p.m. - Look at Stacy enjoying her Ben & Jerry’s! It’s so cute the way she takes a little bitty bit on her spoon every time.
9:00 p.m. - I guess Stacy finished the pint of Ben & Jerry’s... no, wait, she’s putting the top back on it... Who doesn’t throw away the top when they are eating Ben & Jerry’s? I didn’t realize they were reclose-able!
10:00 p.m. - I think I’ll have another beer and watch the other Cougartown. I wonder how much she ate? What?? How does someone eat only a 1/2-inch of ice cream off the top of a pint of Ben & Jerry's??
10:30 p.m. - Wait - is that a new Happy Endings I haven’t seen? That calls for a third beer. Special occasion! I can’t believe Stacy doesn’t eat a whole pint of Ben & Jerry’s at a single sitting. Weird. I’ll bet it was good. But I had popcorn. I’m good.
11:00 p.m. - Who’s on Jon Stewart tonight? Maybe I should have another bag of popcorn... Nah, I need to be productive tomorrow.
11:30 p.m. - Well, let’s call it a night. I’ll just put this bottle by the sink. Wait, I didn’t read Bart Hinkle’s column on the op-ed page today. Looks good... Sure would be nice to have something to eat while I read this at the counter... Maybe I’ll have just a couple spoonfuls of Stacy’s Ben & Jerry’s.
11:40 p.m. - Holy crap... Did I just hit the bottom of the pint with my spoon?
11:43 p.m. - Heck. Looks like I need to buy Stacy another pint of Ben & Jerry’s tomorrow.
7:30 a.m. - Why did I eat that ice cream last night???
8:00 p.m. - Stacy was very happy when I brought home a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for her tonight. I’m a good husband.
Repeat until cholesterol hits 500.Delivered by FeedBurner