Lenovo and Mac and Steve Jobs and Hannah Montana


I have a new computer! It’s 7 years old – my daughter’s old MacBook Pro laptop, which was passed down to me when she upgraded, and it replaces my ~4 year old Lenovo Yoga laptop.

And let me tell you…

  • Going from a Lenovo to an old Mac is like going from Nathan Peterman to Tom Brady.

  • Going from a Lenovo to an old Mac is like going from Hannah Montana to the Rolling Stones.

  • Going from a Lenovo to an old Mac is like going from Kim Jong-un to John F. Kennedy.

  • Going from a Lenovo to an old Mac is like going from Busch Lite to Maker’s Mark.

You get the point.

And that point is that my Lenovo laptop SUCKS and my new old Mac laptop ROCKS.

I like that Lenovo named the laptop the “Yoga,” because yoga about being lithe and flexible and strong, and my Lenovo laptop is bloated and lumbering. The top feature of the Yoga is it can fold the screen all the way over the back of the keyboard, so it can be a non-functioning tablet as well as a non-functioning laptop.

Sure, there are a few things I could complain about. And I will address these concerns to Steve Jobs, since we all know he’s living in a sparsely furnished flat in Dubuque with Andy Kaufman.

It’s actually mostly passive aggressive crap, which makes me wonder about Steve. I’d heard he was very intense, but this stuff reveals a new, potentially even more evil side of him.

Like the way he reversed the scroll direction for the mouse: want to go down in the document? Roll the mouse wheel up. Here’s another one: the “Delete” key is actually a “Backspace” key, and the bastard’s usually consumed five or six previously typed characters before I realize I’m doing it wrong.

Of course, all of this is offset by the non-Lenovoness of the laptop, like the way it starts up in seconds instead of quarter-hours, and it doesn’t freeze every time I try to take an action. Net net: the MacBook is a great laptop, and the Lenovo Yoga is a giant drink coaster.

But while I have your attention, Stevie, I do have a handful of issues with Apple, and it’s not about the Mac laptop. It’s about the iPhone, so if you wouldn’t mine putting your head together with Tony Clifton and fix this stuff, I’d appreciate it:

  • Anytime spell check detects a series of five actual words, each separated by the letter “n”, just assume the “n” is supposed to be a space. Not so hard, right?

  • When I text my wife “I love you?”, the iPhone should be able to understand that I probably meant “I love you!” However, my wife does not understand that, so either autocorrect that or separate the “?” and the “!” keys on the keyboard.

  • When I tap on a text contact’s initials at the top of the screen, three options come up. I would tell you what those options are, but they are denoted with nano-icons and 0.0013-point type. I am pretty sure one of them is Facetime, because when I accidentally brush against that icon, I end up Facetiming that person, usually from the toilet. Please fix this.

  • Similarly, when I press what I think is “info” under a text contact’s name, it brings up three nano-icons that are so close together, my fat, middle-aged fingers can’t push just one at a time. So I end up thumb-calling people and then hanging up like a teenager losing his nerve on a crank call, and then when they call back I have to explain that I haven’t fallen and can’t get up. Correct this please. It’s humiliating.

  • Finally, I have never not once ever meant to type “ducking.” Never.

Thank you, Steve. And Andy.